Dreams while you’ve had uncounted glasses of alcohol that could chip paint are just completely fucked up. Dancing on bars after being carried off to wonderland with prince charming, rubbing fat bellies of hairy bikers, rolling around the yellow brick road while singing “Like A Virgin” and peeing on parking meters next to Pongo from 101 Dalmatians.
I open my eyes to the smell of pancakes and the sound of bacon sizzling. Looking around I quickly realize I am definitely not in my apartment. This habitat contains an Xbox, a humungous television, a very worn in recliner dating back to the seventies at least, and posters of half naked chicks hanging up. Did I seriously go home with a different guy last night? No, no, I don’t remember even talking to another guy except Zane. This has to be Zanes apartment. I sit up, cautiously observe my surrounds a bit more to see where Zane is. I can hear cooking sounds but im not quite sure where they are coming from. I get up, turn around and walk towards the half wall behind the couch. “Well good morning beautiful! Didn’t mean to wake you but since your up take some of these Tylenol pills and here is a glass of water.” He hands me a luke warm glass of water and 3 pills. I look at him a little confused and then my head instantly starts pounding and I feel as though I am going to throw up. “Oh, uh, bathroom is down that hall there, last door on the right.” Holding my hand over my mouth and stomach I rush down the hall and into the last door on the right. And like a typical bachelor pad, I don’t even have to fight with the toilet lid or the toilet seat.
Once I clean my mouth off, brush my teeth with a new toothbrush that was very conveniently laid out with a travel sized tooth paste tube beside the sink, I look in the mirror to evaluate the damage to my face and hair. What the hell happened last night? I look like I walked a week through a hurricane. My hairs stuck up in many places, my mascara is only on one eye now and I just realized I am not in my dress from last night. Somehow ive managed to change into a pair of boxers and an oversized t-shirt. I really hope I am the one who changed myself seeing as how I have absolutely no panties on. I search through his medicine cabinet for a brush or comb to maintain this nest on my head. I splash cold water on my face and try to clean the rest of my mascara off of my face. Walking back down the hall towards the kitchen I try to recollect the evening before but I keep coming up empty after Zane talked me into karaoke. “Whats with the face? You look like you’ve lost you best friend!” Zane was standing in front of the stove in his pajama pants with out a shirt. I couldn’t help but eye up his nice abs and chest.
“Not really my best friend, but my evening. I apologize for being a burden on your night. I have never had so much to drink that I have forgotten my entire evening. What all happened? I can assure you that was a first for me and I must say I do not like it!” The thoughts of me telling Zane about Gabby and any bit of my real life was enough to make me want to punch puppies. I have worked way too hard to keep my sex life lifestyle completely separate from my main life. To just blow it in one night with someone ive just met, not to mention someone who is related to a previous sub and a longtime friend is even worse.
“Well how about you just go sit down at the table, ill pour you some orange juice and serve you up some pancakes and bacon and we can discuss your incredible bar dancing abilities then.” Dancing? I knew I danced a little bit but what could we possibly discuss about that?
“What exactly do you mean by dancing abilities? I would hardly say that what I did on the stage during our ‘paradise by the dashboard light’ duet dancing.” Zane sat a giant plate full of pancakes down in the middle of the table. There had to be at least fifteen pancakes all the size of the plate. Followed by another giant plate full of about 2 pounds of bacon. I really hope he doesn’t think I am eating all of that myself! “Quite the chef are you? They smell delicious but I hope you eating as well as your neighbors with all of this food here.” He grabs a gallon of orange juice from the fridge and two juice glasses from the cupboard and sits it down on the table. He pours the juice into each of the cups and places a cup in front of me.
“ Actually,”, Zane said, “I was hoping you didn’t want any food so I could devour all fifteen pancakes myself.” He flops two huge pancakes onto his plate and stands up to get the butter, syrup and a couple knives. “I do have some fresh fruit as well if you would like to add some to your pancakes or just to eat.” Fresh fruit. He cooks, he keeps a somewhat tidy house, and he buys fresh fruit. I may have to keep him around.
“Sure, fresh fruit sounds delicious. What all do you have?” He pulls out a bowl from the fridge with sliced up strawberries, kiwi and blue berries. “A variety. Perfect!” I grab a few of each and drop them on my plate, grab a pancake and put a dab of butter on it. “So you were saying something about my dancing abilities.”
Zane puts a hefty piece of bacon in his mouth and chews, “Yeah, you have moves that should be rated R.” Stabs another piece of bacon and dips it into his syrup. “ Once you got onto the bar and started moving your hips like that, the men were howling. It was quite entertaining watching someone who is so up tight let loose.”
“Up tight?” I said, “ I am most certainly not up tight. I do have values and morals, but I am a far cry from up tight.” I smooth my butter all over my pancake, and start to cut it up into squares. I look up and Zane is staring at me with a shitty grin on his face. “What?”
“No, your not up tight at all! Who the hell cuts their pancakes up like that? Normal people cut as they eat.” Zane proceeds to do just that, he cuts a piece and shoves it in his face. “See, that is how you do it.”
“Oh yes, that is so attractive, eating like a starved pig. Lets see if im doing this right.” I grab a piece of a pancake and shove it in my mouth, half way through chewing it I grab another and stuff it in my mouth with the other piece. “ya like that? Huh? Im sure that looks so hot.” Zane starts laughing, grab your stomach kind of laugh. He slaps his knee a few times and looks up still silently laughing. I do not think this is funny.
“Attractive, no, hilarious, yes.” He wipes his eyes from laughing so hard, takes a sip of his juice and continues. “ I didn’t mean that you had to shovel food in your mouth like that, I just ment that not everything has to be so perfect. You don’t have to be so perfect all the time.”
“I never said I was perfect or that I tried to be perfect.” I said. “ I just like things to be done in a nice manner. Women should act with dignity and a purpose. Not sloppy and lazily.”
Zane stabbed his last piece of his pancake and shoved it into his mouth. “I agree with women acting lady like, but there is nothing wrong with letting loose once in a while. Don’t you ever have fun, or maybe let your hair down a bit?” Oh yes Zane, I most certainly do. And right now I would have a ton of fun clearing this table off and bending you over it.
“I have fun, thank you. But im sure my kind of fun isn’t entirely your kind of fun per say.” I eat the last of my fruit, drink my juice and take my dishes to the sink. “Would you like me to do your dishes? You did in fact make us breakfast, the least I could do is clean it up.”
“Nah, I have a dishwasher. I don’t mind cleaning it up.” He grabs the last bit of the dishes off the table and puts them in the sink to rinse. “Im gonna hit the shower if you don’t mind. You can stick around so I can take you home if youd like.”
“Actually I wouldn’t mind just taking a cab home now. I have some things to do today and a shower sounds perfect right now as well.”
“Don’t take a cab, take my car.” He points to a set of keys sitting on the end of his counter. “I have plenty more, plus im sure ill see you soon since you kinda already asked me out for another date.”
“What are you talking about? First of all that was not a date. Second of all, I don’t remember asking you out.”
“Uh yes you most certainly did. Before we left the benefit last night, you said youd make me pay later on for making you walk a few blocks in your heels. Which by the way are going to look great with my boxers and tshirt your wearing.” Shit, I forgot I was wearing heels and a ball gown before his clothes.
“Well I guess I will have to see you again to give you your car back. And I don’t mind wearing boxers and heels.” I slip my shoes on, grab my dress and his keys and walk out the door leaving that image in his mind.
Once I get home, I flop my dress down on the couch so I can take it to the dry cleaners on Monday. I see I have a couple messages on my answering machine. The first is my mom asking me if I would like to go shopping with her this afternoon. Then there is two messages from Emily regarding Anna’s birthday party this week. She wanted to make sure I could bring a side dish and to let me know she was moving it to the pool instead of the skating rink now that the weather was supposed to be nice. Joy, nothing better than a pool full of child urine. I think ill just wear my bikini and a wrap and lay out. I call my mom back first to let her know that I would pick her up for lunch and then we would go shopping. Then I jump in the shower, dress in shorts and a slim fitting tshirt, grab my sandals, Zanes car keys and head out the door.
